kellystowell: (Default)
[personal profile] kellystowell
I'm just about 90% motherfuckin' done.

I'm so tired of being undervalued and underwanted and underloved.

My self-esteem is so fucking low, anyway, and this trip home has really just re-inforced how much of a nothing and a nobody that I am with the people who are supposed to love me, best.

I'm angry, and it's a wonder I haven't managed to drink myself to death.

Chris's children are assholes...they came into my life overly-ignored by their mother, and overly-indulged by Chris. Me, I never wanted kids, whatsoever, but I battled for both of them...now Andreas is almost 30, and Aliza is almost 25. Neither seem to give much of a shit about Chris...and they sure as fuck don't give two shits for me...and I'm done with it.

The man I've been ... oh, fuck him...he has no time for me, and he called me a name that sent my esteem into the floor...as in...right out of my body. Fuck him. With a broom handle.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I wish I could just *poof* disappear.

Date: 2014-12-11 06:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brujah.livejournal.com
I love you, my Kellumz, no matter what.

Date: 2014-12-11 02:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mac-arthur-park.livejournal.com
*hugs* I'm here if you need to talk.

Date: 2014-12-12 01:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fbhjr.livejournal.com
Sorry for all that.
I think highly of you.

Speaking of which, when do you want to get together?
We're booked this weekend, but next week is fairly open...

Date: 2014-12-12 05:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] circumspectly.livejournal.com
Next week is fairly open, for me, as well. You say the word, man, and I'll make it happen.

:)

Date: 2014-12-12 02:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fbhjr.livejournal.com
I'm sure we'll be zombies until at least Wednesday.

So, Wednesday for dinner? You said you may be able to make it to the Worcester area.
O'Connor's on the north side of town just off 190?

Let me know.

Date: 2014-12-16 03:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] circumspectly.livejournal.com
Yikes! Day after tomorrow, Wednesday?

I've been hiding. ;)

Date: 2014-12-16 12:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fbhjr.livejournal.com
That was our thought, but some other time is good too.

If there is a better time, let us know.

Date: 2014-12-17 03:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] circumspectly.livejournal.com
Between the time I was here, last night, and now, I've got a date with a young friend who is home from his first semester in college. I'm SO excited to hear his tales!

Let me talk to Chris and see if maybe we can do something, together...are y'all engaged this coming weekend? Like...Saturday night, or maybe a brunchy thing Sunday?

Date: 2014-12-17 12:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fbhjr.livejournal.com
We are busy Sunday, but could do something Saturday.
If we did do the O'Connor's thing I suggested then late afternoon would be better as they get very busy in the evening.
But, we could do something else too.

Date: 2014-12-17 07:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] circumspectly.livejournal.com
Chris says, "Yay!"...so that's an affirmative! Late in the afternoon...like 4 p.m.?

Date: 2014-12-17 07:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fbhjr.livejournal.com
4PM Saturday sounds great!
See you there and then.

Date: 2014-12-17 09:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] circumspectly.livejournal.com
Awesome! Looking forward to it!

Date: 2014-12-12 05:26 pm (UTC)
ext_395468: (dislike fb)
From: [identity profile] cdayzee.livejournal.com
:hugs: I'm sorry you're feeling this way :(

Date: 2014-12-16 03:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] circumspectly.livejournal.com
Thanks, hon...I should braid my fingers together so as not to air this crap, everywhere.

Date: 2014-12-14 05:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hnybny.livejournal.com
Well, shit. We deserve to be fucking cherished!!!

Date: 2014-12-16 03:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] circumspectly.livejournal.com
Indeed, we do!

Date: 2014-12-15 03:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gremlin44.livejournal.com
That sucks. Sorry your homebase is a bunch of self entitled folks with their heads up their asses.

Date: 2014-12-16 03:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] circumspectly.livejournal.com
Well, you know...it's no different than it ever was...I just went away, and talked myself into believing it would be different when I got back.

My own silly fault for letting myself believe it.

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