kellystowell: (Default)
I've always wanted to be creative...and now I learn that I can't express my emotions, so being creative is right out.

Well...acting is right out. I'm 5 for 5 on refusals....rejections....for MFA programs...and this last one actually sent me a letter indicating "WHY". I'm not in touch with my emotions...I can't portray them. I have no natural talent, and therefore nothing to build on. I've spent my whole life pushing down my emotions so I don't have to feel them, and now when I Need to feel them, they are not there.

Singing...I have an average voice...and that's only because I've beat it into submission...and worked on it to be more than merely mediocre. I'm never going to have what it takes to sing in any venue besides with a choir, or in front of friends who love me.

Before any of this, I wanted to be a horse person...and I had horses all my life, but was never a natural horseman...and only ever got up to about mediocre...Do we see a pattern, here?

I just am at a loss...I don't know what to do next.

There's probably more to write, but I have to go to work. At least I'm good at that. Too bad I don't enjoy it.

November 2015

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