It really is comforting to me to feel that some people "get it". I know there are still a lot of people out there who have trouble in any way wrapping their heads around gay relationships. It's probably completely impossible for them to understand or accept a relationship that doesn't fit into traditional hetero or homosexual norms. Although, as I'm typing this, I am thinking about literary queer theory, and how our relationship would fit there. Broadly construed, queer theory embraces all same-sex relationships as "queer". :o) We always said I was family, but adopted family, so I was loved but didn't quite fit the mold. *laughing*
I hadn't thought about those mated animals. It is a good metaphor. I wonder if other animals ever acknowledge the missing one. I can tell you that, ime, there are a lot of people, even people who love me and loved Kim, who don't want to acknowledge things. Nobody has been so mean or rude as to say so, but, as you've probably seen me mention before, when I mention her I get the silence, the averted eyes, the quick change of subject. I'm ridiculously stubborn sometimes, though, so I haven't stopped.
I don't know if I flourish on change. I miss my female friends, I miss my neighborhood, I miss knowing where to go to find what I want. My job helps a little with that last one. I know exactly where to go for some unusual things now... ooh, like, as of this morning, I can tell you where to go for theater supplies! I was in a theater supply company this morning, and it has a showroom open to the public. Lots of wigs, a tremendous amount of wonderful fabrics, and so forth. Awesome!
But I do thrive on trying new things. I love it, as a matter of fact.
Tommy, on the other hand, is pretty much what you would call beige. I usually say what a friend once observed: he is a very cautious man. Honestly, some times to the point that I end up in stitches. I try not to, because I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings, but sometimes I can't help it. And so far he just stares at me in wonder and says, over and over, "Is it really that funny?"
I will provide an example, for fun as well as illustrative purposes. One time I mentioned to him that I wished I had bought an area rug I saw at VOA thrift. It was so cool that someone snapped it up before I could get back to grab it. He said he would never, ever buy a used rug or even really want one in his house. Why? Well (and I swear I'm not making this up), what if someone had done drugs on or over it, like snorting cocaine, and there were still traces of it in the rug? If for some reason the police came into our house, and just happened to have drug sniffing dogs, the dogs might alert on the rug and the next thing you knew we'd be in prison on drug charges.
I'm telling you, I stared at him. I seriously thought he must be pulling my leg. Not a chance. Dead serious. I don't know why I was surprised. I already knew there were lots of foods he'd never tried because he was worried he wouldn't like them or the name just sounded weird. There were lots of places he'd never have gone for similar reasons. Then here I come, feeding him those foods and taking him to drag shows and fetish parties and so on. :oD I know he is happier for it, because I can see him having a good time, enjoying things, and then later I hear him telling people about it. It's been fun for me to watch him sort of coming out of his self-imposed exile from experience.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-07-01 08:24 pm (UTC)I hadn't thought about those mated animals. It is a good metaphor. I wonder if other animals ever acknowledge the missing one. I can tell you that, ime, there are a lot of people, even people who love me and loved Kim, who don't want to acknowledge things. Nobody has been so mean or rude as to say so, but, as you've probably seen me mention before, when I mention her I get the silence, the averted eyes, the quick change of subject. I'm ridiculously stubborn sometimes, though, so I haven't stopped.
I don't know if I flourish on change. I miss my female friends, I miss my neighborhood, I miss knowing where to go to find what I want. My job helps a little with that last one. I know exactly where to go for some unusual things now... ooh, like, as of this morning, I can tell you where to go for theater supplies! I was in a theater supply company this morning, and it has a showroom open to the public. Lots of wigs, a tremendous amount of wonderful fabrics, and so forth. Awesome!
But I do thrive on trying new things. I love it, as a matter of fact.
Tommy, on the other hand, is pretty much what you would call beige. I usually say what a friend once observed: he is a very cautious man. Honestly, some times to the point that I end up in stitches. I try not to, because I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings, but sometimes I can't help it. And so far he just stares at me in wonder and says, over and over, "Is it really that funny?"
I will provide an example, for fun as well as illustrative purposes. One time I mentioned to him that I wished I had bought an area rug I saw at VOA thrift. It was so cool that someone snapped it up before I could get back to grab it. He said he would never, ever buy a used rug or even really want one in his house. Why? Well (and I swear I'm not making this up), what if someone had done drugs on or over it, like snorting cocaine, and there were still traces of it in the rug? If for some reason the police came into our house, and just happened to have drug sniffing dogs, the dogs might alert on the rug and the next thing you knew we'd be in prison on drug charges.
I'm telling you, I stared at him. I seriously thought he must be pulling my leg. Not a chance. Dead serious. I don't know why I was surprised. I already knew there were lots of foods he'd never tried because he was worried he wouldn't like them or the name just sounded weird. There were lots of places he'd never have gone for similar reasons. Then here I come, feeding him those foods and taking him to drag shows and fetish parties and so on. :oD I know he is happier for it, because I can see him having a good time, enjoying things, and then later I hear him telling people about it. It's been fun for me to watch him sort of coming out of his self-imposed exile from experience.