(no subject)

[kellystowell]

I'm just about 90% motherfuckin' done.

I'm so tired of being undervalued and underwanted and underloved.

My self-esteem is so fucking low, anyway, and this trip home has really just re-inforced how much of a nothing and a nobody that I am with the people who are supposed to love me, best.

I'm angry, and it's a wonder I haven't managed to drink myself to death.

Chris's children are assholes...they came into my life overly-ignored by their mother, and overly-indulged by Chris. Me, I never wanted kids, whatsoever, but I battled for both of them...now Andreas is almost 30, and Aliza is almost 25. Neither seem to give much of a shit about Chris...and they sure as fuck don't give two shits for me...and I'm done with it.

The man I've been ... oh, fuck him...he has no time for me, and he called me a name that sent my esteem into the floor...as in...right out of my body. Fuck him. With a broom handle.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I wish I could just *poof* disappear.

Comments

[brujah.livejournal.com]

I love you, my Kellumz, no matter what.

[mac-arthur-park.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm here if you need to talk.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Sorry for all that.
I think highly of you.

Speaking of which, when do you want to get together?
We're booked this weekend, but next week is fairly open...

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

Next week is fairly open, for me, as well. You say the word, man, and I'll make it happen.

:)

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I'm sure we'll be zombies until at least Wednesday.

So, Wednesday for dinner? You said you may be able to make it to the Worcester area.
O'Connor's on the north side of town just off 190?

Let me know.

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

Yikes! Day after tomorrow, Wednesday?

I've been hiding. ;)

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

That was our thought, but some other time is good too.

If there is a better time, let us know.

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

Between the time I was here, last night, and now, I've got a date with a young friend who is home from his first semester in college. I'm SO excited to hear his tales!

Let me talk to Chris and see if maybe we can do something, together...are y'all engaged this coming weekend? Like...Saturday night, or maybe a brunchy thing Sunday?

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

We are busy Sunday, but could do something Saturday.
If we did do the O'Connor's thing I suggested then late afternoon would be better as they get very busy in the evening.
But, we could do something else too.

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

Chris says, "Yay!"...so that's an affirmative! Late in the afternoon...like 4 p.m.?

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

4PM Saturday sounds great!
See you there and then.

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

Awesome! Looking forward to it!

[cdayzee.livejournal.com]

:hugs: I'm sorry you're feeling this way :(

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon...I should braid my fingers together so as not to air this crap, everywhere.

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

Well, shit. We deserve to be fucking cherished!!!

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

Indeed, we do!

[gremlin44.livejournal.com]

That sucks. Sorry your homebase is a bunch of self entitled folks with their heads up their asses.

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

Well, you know...it's no different than it ever was...I just went away, and talked myself into believing it would be different when I got back.

My own silly fault for letting myself believe it.