(no subject)

[kellystowell]

I'm just about 90% motherfuckin' done.

I'm so tired of being undervalued and underwanted and underloved.

My self-esteem is so fucking low, anyway, and this trip home has really just re-inforced how much of a nothing and a nobody that I am with the people who are supposed to love me, best.

I'm angry, and it's a wonder I haven't managed to drink myself to death.

Chris's children are assholes...they came into my life overly-ignored by their mother, and overly-indulged by Chris. Me, I never wanted kids, whatsoever, but I battled for both of them...now Andreas is almost 30, and Aliza is almost 25. Neither seem to give much of a shit about Chris...and they sure as fuck don't give two shits for me...and I'm done with it.

The man I've been ... oh, fuck him...he has no time for me, and he called me a name that sent my esteem into the floor...as in...right out of my body. Fuck him. With a broom handle.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I wish I could just *poof* disappear.

Comments

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

Well, you know...it's no different than it ever was...I just went away, and talked myself into believing it would be different when I got back.

My own silly fault for letting myself believe it.